I am in Las Vegas!

My mom and dad didn't know that I was taping this video!

I WON! I WON!

I won the contest! Thanks for the people that voted. Booooo for the people that didn't.

You can look at the list here: http://bestnwtblogs.blogspot.com/2009/12/winners.html. See how my blog is on it! My "I'm Confused!" video got a lot of votes.

Next year I will do MORE videos so people will vote for me. I always knew this was the best kid's blog. Actually, I should make a dance about how I won.

Blog Awards

I am in a blog contest! I am hoping to win. So please, vote for me! So I'm begging you, pweaaaase.

I want to put up posters asking people to vote for me. Here is what you do.

You go to the website. It is http://bestnwtblogs.blogspot.com/2009/12/voting-now-open.html. And you check to see where my blog is. Then you send an e-mail or a text to the guy and you say that you want to vote for me in all of those sections. You have to do this, please. Especially you, Grammy.

One of them is for best kid blog. I am pretty sure this is the best kid blog. And it is my favourite blog of all. So please go to that other website and e-mail that guy and tell him you want to vote for me.

Black Umfolosi

Tonight I went to a concert. It was cool. There were five men and they did dances and they sang. And it was all music from Africa. They waved their arms and they stomped their feet.

And they kept making jokes about how Canadians dance funny. But Canadians don't dance funny! I'm a Canadian, and I don't dance funny. I like to dance like Michael Jackson.

They sang all together and they didn't have any instruments. They all had their own part. Like, one dude was supposed to say that he saw a difference in the dances.

And it was my nanny's birthday. They brought her up on the stage. I loved that. We got to saw her dance. And she was trying to dance like the guy and he was wiggling his butt. A lot of people got up on stage, but I think some of them it weren't actually their birthday.

Why couldn't I come up and dance? Okay, I didn't want to, but I guess it would have been fun.

Sleepover party

Yesterday I had a sleepover party! It was my friend James' birthday, and it was fun. REALLY REALLY fun. I stayed up really late until 12:30 and we watched a movie with a really ugly mom in it.

You know why there are so many animals around? It is because not many years ago, there were no houses here. Where my house is, there was only like maybe a pond. And then the city expanded and people built houses. And all of the animals went away. But now they are coming back because this is where they live and they're not scared of people. Like, I see foxes all the time.

I am innocent!

I am innocent! But a guy put me in handcuffs today. That is not good!
It was the guy who is the boss of the jail. He scares me because he
looks tough. And he has lots of stories about prison. He told me that
if the handcuffs are not tight enough, your hands can come out of
them. You have to be really careful with handcuffs, because if you hit
on the wrong side of your wrist, it could break your wrist.

And I went to go and listen in court, but there was nobody there. It
was for a guy that shot an RCMP officer. You can't just go in. People
have to check to make sure you don't have any weapons. Because all
weapons are steel or metal. I don't know why people would bring
weapons there. And I met a lady who was writing down some things that
they said in court.

And this all happened at my mom's work. It was probably the most fun
day ever at my mom's work, because it's usually really boring there.

Spider web cookies!

I made spider web cookies. It took a long time.

First, you put butter and sugar in a bowl and mix it up. Then you put in an egg. Then you put in the flour. We sifted it and put it in.



Then we put it in the fridge.

Then we rolled it out. You have to like pressure point it. And it's fun. I liked it. Then you cut them with a cookie cutter and bake them in the oven.



Then you make white icing. You get icing sugar and put it in an egg white. Crack an egg open and only put the egg white in. And you beat it for a long time.

You put the white icing on the cookies when they're done. And then you quickly put chocolate on it in a big swirl. And then you take a pointy thing and drag it through so it looks like spider webs.



And they tasted good!

Wii!

We got our Wii back. And I played links crossbow training today. It was really fun. And I have like a gun thingieabobber. I do not know how to spell that but my mom knows.

My tooth came out!

My tooth came out on October 12, 2009. It was very wiggly. I asked for
some banana bread, and my dad told me only if I tried to take my tooth
out. He was joking, but I didn't really know that. So I pulled it
right out. And it was bleeding for a long time!

And then I put it under my pillow and I got five bucks! My mom only
got 25 cents. Poor her. She is working on a story. It is about a
haunted house.

My mom gets lots of comments on her blog. I need lots of comments, so
comment on my blog! Because I rule!

Pwnage

I have to tell again what it means? It is like badly beat. Like, when
my team plays YOUR team, we will pwn you. Because we are a good team.

I am pretty sure I could pwn Uncle Ben, Uncle Matt and Uncle Nate. And
probably Uncle Sean and Uncle David, too. Does that tell you how
awesome I am? So think about that.

I PWNED THE OTHER TEAM!

In England, they call soccer "football". We had our first game today.
And it was total pwnage. We beat them 7-3. And I even scored a goal
even though I was defence and goalie. I would just keep on blocking
them. It is a pretty good team.

First soccer practice

Today was the first soccer game. And I got to go to Tim Horton's and
Pizza Hut! It was fun.

I only know two other kids on my team. And most of them are just
learning how to play. They don't understand the rules. That made me
feel bad, because I can't go hard. They grabbed the ball outside of
the crease and pulled it into the crease. They walked into the crease.
They are going to have to learn the rules.

Girls are silly

A girl in my class says there is a leader of the Gang of Five. That is
what she calls the boys in my group. And she says *I* am the leader!
That doesn't even make any sense. Like, yeah, I'm the fastest runner,
but that doesn't make me the leader.

Star Wars Lego

Here is my Star Wars Lego. It is an imperial walker. I built it myself. It wasn't actually too hard. I just like put some pieces
together and I built the clones. First, of course, I built Rex, who is the head clone. He has guns in each hand. He's pro and he uses them.

And the walker can also shoot things. You actually don't have to pretend to shoot. It just goes like boom, and the same with the other side. I built it that way. It's like Lego, so it's way better than what you get at McDonald's. If you could get Star Wars Lego at McDonald's, I would love it. But since they don't, it's stupid.

Seriously. Kids want a good Happy Meal. Like, you're buying crappy toys for two bucks. Seriously. If you buy a cheeseburger, that'll cost you nine dollars if it's a Happy Meal. NINE DOLLARS. Because a regular cheeseburger, I think, is seven bucks with fries and a drink.

The Fisherman's Wife

In this story, a fisherman catches a fish that is really a prince, and
the prince says he will grant his wishes if he lets him go free. So he
lets him go. And his wife wants him to ask for a little house. So he
rows out and asks for a little house, and they get it. And his wife
asks for lots of things. And each time he rows out, the water gets
darker. And in the end she asks to be the empress and to control the
sun and the moon. And they end up going back to the way things were.

The lesson is don't wish for too much things, like being emperor.

It surprised me that he found a fish that was a prince, because that's
not even a one-in-a-lifetime chance. It's like a zero chance because
would you actually see a prince that was a fish? Imagine what that
would look like! It would be a pretty big fish, it would have a crown,
and it would be ugly because it's a fish. Princes are handsome.

I think the water gets darker because she keeps on wishing for things.
She keeps on wishing for things that you shouldn't be, unless you're
like elected or something. I don't really know what you get if you get
elected. I think you learn that in high school.

I don't really like stories like that. I like stories about dragons
and dinosaurs. But I read this one for school.

For Grampy

Nope. Nobody is sick.

Soccer starts next week. And I will be on a new team. We do practices
and games and we all wear the team colours. And I have friends who are
also in soccer. It will be fun to play with them again.

I just weighed myself and I am 69 pounds. And I am 53 inches tall.
That is a lot. Wow.

Germs

I just ate a Tweety vitamin, because I do not want to get sick. And I am putting hand sanitizer on my hands about four times a day. And I wash my hands and stay away from sick people.

My mom and dad were sick today. And Janet. And Mr. Scott. Janet might have catchy germs. Well, probably not. It is probably still safe for me to play over there even though my mom and dad say I should stay at home. They are weird.

I am gonna have to get a needle for the flu. Three needles, to be exact. That sucks. I get it at the Co-op and they put it in my arm. It doesn't hurt at all. It sucks because I don't want to get it because it's boring. I could be watching TV or writing on my blog.

Big News

I have a personal computer now! It's a Dell. I got it from my mom because she got a new computer, so she gave me hers. It's really cool. I pretty much go on it every day.

I am mostly gonna use it to play games. My mom says I can do my spelling on it, too. I GUESS. I don't want to do my spelling on it because I don't want to waste time. I don't care about homework. Playing games is way more fun. And playing with friends.

A happy family

More for Uncle Matt

Scrawl has lots of weapons. He has a shield that spins around. He can kick with his claws, and they really hurt. They would probably kill almost any Bionicle.

He also has lots of armour. So he's like the ultimate Bionicle. Except for one of those really really tough and giant guys.

If I was David Hasselhoff...

This is for the Being David Hasselhoff Contest on my mom's blog.

Smoke bombs

Daniel and I made smoke bombs. To make them, you need tissue paper and potassium nitrate. You get a piece of the tissue paper out and put some potassium nitrate in the middle. And then you fold the tissue paper over it, bring it outside, and light it on fire. You do this on your own property, not on the neighbour's property.

You have to wait a little bit for the fire to get into the potassium nitrate. And then it will blow and smoke will come out. It looks like regular smoke, but not like when the dump was on fire. Much less smoke than that.

But you have to stand back. Get an adult to help you. Because fire can burn you.

My Lego train

I built a really cool half Star Wars Lego and half airplane Lego train. And there's a picture of it. You can see that it has four different rows. And it's really fun to play with.

It has a stormtrooper and that part is like a hovercraft. It doesn't have wheels. It just floats above the ground. That is one part. And there are three other parts. So you can see the driver's seat in the front. If you look really close, you can see guns inside the boxes. Those are the stormtrooper's guns. And there's two. So it's really cool. And the other piece is a boarder. It can make you go up higher on things. The airplane pilot drives the train. It's super freaky.

And it took me about a day to build it. I did it all by myself. It was less than an hour, probably. It was before bed the other night, just then when my mom told me to go to sleep.

Uncle Matt, this will help you to understand what a Bionicle is.

My uncle Matt doesn't know what a Bionicle is

I don't know how to describe it. It is complicated. It is like a Lego toy. It comes in many pieces and you put it together. And then you play with it. Like, there's a certain thing in it, and it's like a little spiked ball, and when you push the end of it, it flies. And you can also make it look really cool, like put it in poses.

Scrawl is evil. Gresh is good. And Scrawl is my favourite. I'm not telling you who Gresh is, because it's way harder than Scrawl, and I don't even have him. I only have three. Plus the one from McDonald's, so that equals four.

I think I am going to give the one from McDonald's to the kids in the shelter.

Bionicles

This is the Bionicle that I got at McDonald's. You can see that it is not very good. I have three that are way better and that I bought with money at a toy store.

I think I want to sell this crappy Bionicle. Maybe I can get two bucks for it.

The others are way bigger and they actually have really cool things like shields and knives. Like, my favourite Bionicle's name is Scrawl. I will show you a picture.


You can see that he is way cooler. Like, his shield could come right off and cut right through it. Here's what's really awesome about Scrawl: He flips right over the cliff and fires a rocket and it's like a chain thing.

If you want the crappy Bionicle from McDonald's, let me know if you would give me money for it. Because it is just making my room messy. My mom says I am going to have to find a place to put it. If nobody wants it, I'm putting it on eBay. And I also have a pencil that I want to get rid of.

Pictures of me as a trucker

We had our pictures taken. My poppy is a trucker, so we did it in the truck yard of Manitoulin. And we all dressed up in costumes. Except my poppy. Those are his regular clothes.

I have my coveralls. They keep me from getting dirty. I always wanted to drive a big tractor, because it sounds cool. Even just in the truck yard. And I wouldn't bump into anyone, I would just be like VROOM VROOM.

VROOOOOM WHY WON'T THIS THING TURN DARN IT?

I would drive to Rae and bring food there. And I bet I would get free subs from the best sandwich shop, Subway. My poppy gets subs, and he gets to choose them. And sometimes he gets to go to Pizza Hut, the best pizza place on earth. I have no idea what I would deliver there. I would go to Fort Providence once in a while, and I would have a cool cell phone. Yippee!

Pictures

I got my pictures taken today. It was out at the Manitoulin truck yard. It was very fun. The guy's name was Dave, and he was fun. I wore coveralls and I got to go in my poppy's truck. And we all looked like truckers. We put dirt on our faces and we wore hats. And I had a wrench and I got to poke in the engine and he took my picture.

I will post pictures when I get them. Or they might be on Dave's blog.

Air Hockey

The best thing about McDonald's is not the Happy Meal toys. It is the air-hockey machine.

You put one dollar in. It has to be a loonie. Then it blows air. Then you verse with a handle. You try to get the puck in the other person's net. And it goes really fast. Well, it matters on how hard you hit it. If you hit it really hard, it goes really fast. I usually hit it as hard as I can.

I play with my dad and sometimes my mom. And I win pretty much all the time.

From Michael

On sexism

I was reading another blog and they said that they were getting a Happy Meal and the person asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl.

I think that shouldn't matter. You should be able to get the toy you want even if you are a girl.

But it doesn't really matter if you get a toy or not. Seriously. Who needs a toy? It just makes your room more messy. And my room is really messy from Happy Meals. It would be better if I didn't have those toys. Once you become my age, it becomes really good. Because you will understand how stupid the toys are.

So don't get toys from McDonald's. They stink. Unless if they're really good and they shoot things. And if they are really good, any of the kids should be able to get them.

I have a blog!

I saw a book this morning on the table. It was called "How to Stop Working". If there's so much pages in that book, wasting trees, just quit! I say QUIT! You don't need a book.

And that's how I rock!

Giant Mine

My mom told me there was a guy who put a bomb in the mine and murdered a bunch of people. The workers and the bosses were in an argument because the workers did not like the way the bosses treated them. So some of the workers stopped working, and some of them did not. And some people got really mad about it. And one guy was so mad that he put a bomb in the mine.

And now he is in jail forever. I was thinking that he maybe doesn’t get fed, but my mom says that he always gets his food. Maybe he doesn’t always get to eat what he wants to eat. My mom says he probably gets to read the newspapers, too. I think that is pretty lucky, because I almost never read the newspaper. And Daniel hardly ever reads them.

I bet the police probably treat him pretty good. I would like to go to the jail and look at the people, but I can’t, and that’s not fair because their friends can go and see them. I should go and be a professor so I can talk to people like that. I would take their statistics and write them down.

You can never outrun the cops. I know this guy who tried it before and it did not work and he surrendered. I heard that from someone. I was watching TV and there were some people who were going to jail and every time the camera came they would cover their faces. I think they did that because they didn’t want their friends to see that they were in jail. That would be pretty embarrassing.

"I'm confused!"

Original video:



My version:

Best Beasts: A horror story

There are ten of them. At night they strike and kill. They open their tombstones. They haunted people’s houses. They were born in 1987.

At night they were hungry. For food, their father fed them human babies.

They went on a picnic. They brought peanut butter babies and jam babies and baby toast and human beans.

Suddenly, a flaming bird appeared. His name is Efos, the Winged Flame. He flew away. They were shocked when it ended. They didn’t know what it was and what it wanted.

“It probably wanted our food,” they complained.

“Someone saw the bird on fire,” one said.

“I saw its colour,” said another. Another saw its head. It had a sharp beak.

Its body is as yellow as gold. So was its beak. Another saw its tail. It was as hot as an atomic bomb blowing up.

The flaming bird flew back to its nest and laid an egg. One hour later, the egg hatched and the commercial came.

“It’s back. It was a banana,” the flaming bird announced. “Bananas give you calcium.” And he ate it up: chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chomp.

They decided to go fishing. Because the bird was on fire, they thought the bird would not go. They went fishing, but a sea surfer interrupted them. Then the flaming bird flew in sight. All the monsters ran for their lives. The elephant and Efos charged together, but they were too powerful and got destroyed. And the monsters ran home.

When they got home, their mother made a baby. It ate food and spit it at the kid monsters. The kid monsters said, “OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!”

I'm a copy editor

Dear everyone,

You need periods. See, there’s one right there. And another. I have been seeing sentences without periods, like at the dentist’s office and on the Internet. And that is not good. YOU NEED PERIODS!

That wasn’t a period; that was an exclamation point. You can use an exclamation point instead of a period if you are yelling.

The other one is a question mark. You can use that if you are asking a question. Still, you can use it like a period. You put it at the end of your sentence. This is important. Otherwise, nobody knows when the sentence is over. They will go on to the next sentence and not understand. That would be a problem. It’s a big problem for me.

I almost forgot about commas. Like, if you want to say something, and you want to say something else but in a different way, you can use a comma. It makes the sentence easier to read. There’s two in that sentence. My mom put them there because she is very good at writing. She knows where the commas go.

And that is all I have to say.

From Michael

Watching the Address to Congress

Dear everyone,

I wanna be there and shake Obama’s hand. But he beated John McCain bad. It was like twice as many votes. Bad beat. Seriously bad beat. It was almost 200 votes. That’s my limit.

I like Barack Obama. He is cool. I wonder what he was doing when the last guy was the president.

It is just unfair that those girls get to sleep in the president’s house. They must have like a million guards. Mom says there has never been a girl president, but I would still probably vote for the boy. Unless the girl is more prettier. It’s all about their style.

Barack Obama said he wants people to go to university. Of course I am going to go. I guess that means that it will be against the law to kick people out of school.

It’s almost kind of rude, though, that only Americans can be president. So I basically can never be president. That is rude. What about Indians? Indians are nice. You should be able to move from Asia and get the best job. I could pretend I was an American so I could be president. But I probably would not get away with it.

Now there is some other guy talking. (TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: That would be Bobby Jindal.) Like, he said he wasn’t going to say any more, and then he kept talking. He needs cream for his forehead. I don’t want this guy to be president, because he doesn’t talk loud enough. He makes really long words, like way longer than “ketchup”. Words like “consequence” and “opportunity” and “responsibility”. And those are the three words he likes to say. (TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: HAHAHAHAHA.) I think he’s weird. I don’t know what he’s saying.

I want my mom to be president, or at least vice president. That way, I could live in that house.

From Michael

Why didn't my mom see this coming?

Dear everyone,

My mom says if there’s no tooth fairy, I don’t get money for my teeth. I want to get money, but I can’t believe it if it isn’t real.

Now I am thinking that maybe there is no such thing as angels. I think they might just be a story.

My mom says that my grampy has studied a lot and he is sure there are angels, but I think maybe he made a mistake. I think he might just think that because he is a church person. Church people might believe things that aren’t real. I like to go and watch church sometimes when my grampy is there, but I’m not a church person. I do like the bread at church. It would be good to have bread like that that was the size of my house. It would probably take me three days to eat it all.

If it isn’t real, I can’t believe in it. I can only believe in things that are real. Things like Cleopatra that are in books about real things. I know that Cleopatra was real. There are some books that are just stories and some books that are about things that are real.

Maybe angels aren’t real. I don’t know that for sure, but I don’t know how I would find out. I don’t think God needs guards. That doesn’t make sense. And I am pretty sure that angels are guards for God.

From Michael

Thanks, Uncle Matt and Aunt Sarah